D'yer Mak'r

The inner dialogue: confessions of a Friday evening.

This postdoc's inner dialogue tends to be frenetic. "Was that 12 or 14 microliters? 12? no 14? How much did I add? ???? Sh*t forget it, its X.03mM instead of XmM" "Okay finish finish, Next Postdoc is signed up to start in the hood in ten minutes. Do all those cells really need to be split yet? Can all those cells be split in ten minutes? F*ck no way. So f*ck it, these cells will survive overgrowing better than those, so be it." "Ugh only halfway through the injections, ten more to go..." "F*cking A, the meeting with the Boss begins in three minutes, can I process three flowjo layouts in three minutes??" "F*ck f*ck F*CK"

And so on. There are calendars and to-do lists to remember, mice to take care of, experiments to design, papers to read, meetings to be gone to, socializing to be done and the special people to see and talk to. The average postdoc treadmill, and I love every minute of it-surfing deadlines, the pace, the multi-tasking, the nearly constant motion.

That said, the best inner dialogue is the silent one. It's 5.30 on Friday evening. The postdoc picks up all her detritus from the hood, puts it away. Mops up her bench, puts the media away. Sits down at her desk, collects all the little yellow stickies with cell counts, concentration calculations, dates of births and general experimental miscellanea and pastes them into the current lab notebook page. She looks at the calendar on the cork board in front of her, and everything is crossed out. The to-do list is similarly complete. All the mice are happily asleep or running around in their cages. The fluorescent lights hum, the lab is nearly empty, the radio plays on, for once not the driving rhythm of work but just music in the background. And the postdoc squirrels further into her chair and just listens to the sound of silence, the inner voice quiet.

Postdoc Carnival: What's up Postdoc? August 23rd

Hello everyone,

It's always a joy to host a carnival where you read things written by your peers that are so insightful, truthful and enjoyable. Thank you everyone who wrote to me with posts and those who suggested posts, and without any further ado, the carnival.

Regrets Regrets

I wanted to know what all of you would have done differently if you could, and the spectrum of answers was fascinating. Dr. Brazen Hussy wouldn't change a thing, barring the occasional drunken quarrels with her advisor. Day by Day wouldn't change much either in the balance, she regrets only not spending enough time with her friends from grad school. Lou proposes that we all appreciate the here and now and learn from our pasts rather than regret them, and Propter Doc has a detailed and insightful analysis of what she would have changed given her current perspective. Katie at Minor Revisions has a frank and honest essay on regretting the time she has wasted and the questions she should have asked. And comes up with one the most memorable quotes I have heard in a while: "Post-docs are a renewable resource here." and goes on to compare postdocs to plankton. Fabulous and fabulously apt. Ragey One, Apparently and I do have some regrets, Ragey would not have accepted her current position knowing what she knows now, Apparently would have done her postdoc experience differently, and I would have interviewed more.

Dealing with other diverse subjects, other postdoc or former-postdoc bloggers have some great things to say. Sunil at balancing life wonders why Ph.Ds are so long, Incoherently scattered ponderings has some advice for what not to have on a CV and YoungFemaleScientists discusses whether its easier for foreign postdocs to find jobs here as opposed to US postdocs looking elsewhere. Marianne at the Eternal Postdoc tells us why being a postdoc is so hard, and Chall at Dreams and Hopes of a Scientist believes that your PI will find it easier to believe in you when someone else does. Chris at Highly Allochthonous finds that the postdoc is willing but the equipment isn't and a group of postdocs formed the postdoc union (wonder how they are doing?). Also, no to be discriminatory, but I have to mention some lovely women in science, Micella Phoenix DeWhysse at Science Careers has a whole series on Educated Women, here's one, and women in science as always has cool things to say.

And finally, the utterly apt and necessary PostDoc Oath, from the Girl from Ipanema. Say it with me everyone, " I X postdoc, do solemnly swear that..."

What would I have done differently?

Interviewed more.

I don't believe in regrets and hand-wringing. I am self-aware enough to know that I made an informed choice and I saw most of the red flags in my current lab when I interviewed. I didn't expect them all to be true, but that is a different matter.

I interviewed over one long weekend, in one area. I did restrict myself geographically for personal reasons, and that geographical restriction is turning out to be the best past of this experience. Anyway, over that weekend, I interviewed with five PIs and three labs. One experience was excellent, saw some potential problems, figured awareness was half the battle. One experience was really good, but I would have ended up being the senior person in the lab and the PI wasn't even directly offering me the job anyway. The other three were washouts. I was already pretty fed up with the process, because I had a few pre-screening rejections based on the tight funds at the time and my average but not sexy CV. So I didn't send out more applications and accepted offer from said excellent interview experience.

Red flags and all. And everything I thought might possibly go wrong did. Everything possible. Which really sucks, but I thought they were all possible. I also think that every lab has its, shall we say, quirks. I didn't expect the personality of the PI and the community of the lab to be this negative. I have some wonderful colleagues, so it makes it easier, but otherwise, not good. And the general research environment is not conducive to one's greater professional development.

So, I made an informed decision and took a chance, it didn't pan out. I'm dealing. But, in restrospect I should have interviewed more, seen more places, other labs, other dynamics and then decided.

Oh well.

Call for Posts: Postdoc Carnival August 23rd

I am going to host the next What's Up Postdoc? carnival, and here is a call (appeal?) for posts.

The theme? What would you have done differently? If something, why and what? And if nothing (lucky you!), why?

Feel free to ignore the theme, and just write. Or send something from your archives. I'd really like to hear what you have to say.

E-mail posts to me at veoclaramente@gmail.com

Thanks and Happy Writing!

How to Choose a Postdoc Lab

My cousin has just "defended" his thesis and I was talking to him about what he was planning to do postdoc-wise. It brought back memories of the my own postdoc job search early last year. I was trying to draw on my experiences and be helpful, but as I thought about it more and more, I became less and less coherent. So I decided to put down what I thought here, and see if any of you who have searched for postdoc jobs have any further insight.

There are many things that are good to keep in mind while job hunting and I'm going to the list the things that I think are key, the most important thing to remember is that the job that meets all your criteria does not exist. Period. I would try and identify a few things that would make you most happy and try and have those. The rest, well, deal.

So in no particular order:
1. The two-body problem: This is probably the hardest problem for most; if you are a couple, each invested in their career, you have to move together. You have to align expectations for two different people, possibly at different stages in their career, even two different fields or industries. That said, this is probably the career stage at which the two-body problem is easiest solved since postdoc positions are more frequently available than any other.

2. The place: This is something that mattered a lot to me personally. I went to an undergrad college is the veriest village, and as a result am a total city junkie. Whichever way you go, city, village, out in the country, this is important because if you don't like where you are, life will automatically be more difficult. Also, your milieu is directly related to where you live, whether you meet like-minded people or constantly feel like you have to be circumspect in your interactions with people.

3. The projects: The biggest question, will you have a separate clearly defined project of your own. I cannot emphasize how important this is. Its all very well to agrre with the PI that you will take over X person's project-what if they haven't left by the time you have arrived? Academia is very flexible, and sometimes people prolong their career transitions for long periods of time. So if you don't have a clearly different project, well hone your thumb-twiddling skills. Also, determine before you accept a position which portion of a project is clearly yours. Territorialism is a rampant trait of scientists, protect yourself. What's the point if you have your heart set on a project and join a lab only to find that it has been given away? Discuss this.

4. The P.I.: This is obvious, but anyway. Make sure you can talk to your boss. They do not have to be your friend, and very likely will not take as much care of you as a good Ph.D. mentor, but they should still be respectful and willing to listen to you. Also, different people have different preferences for a boss, but in general my feeling is that a micromanager would be a bad postdoc boss because the whole point of a postdoc is that you become independent. Micromanagers rarely like to set you free.

5. The Lab: Anyone who has ever read a blog knows how much this impacts our lives. Seriously, find at least two people you can get along with, who are going to overlap with you for at least some time. Its hard to be friends with all 15 members of a lab, but all you need is a couple of people you are glad to see everyday. Nature papers are all very well, misery sucks. It really does and working everyday in a lab where you and others are miserable is almost impossibly hard.

6. The Department: There are some really great labs that are one-off labs in their departments. These labs do great work, but you may end up somewhat isolated in your department. The departmental seminars will not deal with your work, you will not be able to network with people in your field, which you absolutely need to do if you want to stay in academia. On a more day-to-day basis, you won't have any one but your lab to talk to about your work. And that may not always work out well.

7. The prospects for funding independent of the boss: Funding sets you free. Postdoctoral fellowships are a boon, as soon as you have one, your life improves in so many ways. Your boss will be thrilled not to pay your salary (the single biggest expense in most Biology labs), you demonstrate that you can write fund-able proposals , you feel good about yourself , and most fellowships pay above average postdoc salaries.

8. The Nature of the Actual Work: For example, brain cancer research sounds so cool. But, how would you feel about dissecting out mouse brains on a daily basis? Injecting things into a mouse's skull? Evaluating mouse health based on how much pain they are in? Or else, would you be dreadfully bored pipetting 30 96-well plates a day for real time PCR or screening X or Y? Think about it. Lab work is icky, is it beyond your ick threshold?

9. The Portability of the research: Would your future boss be willing to give away part of your project to you should you want to leave and start your own group? Most bosses should be aware of this possibility and be open to it, what you should do is communicate! I cannot emphasize that too much.

10. The salary and benefits: She surely jests, you must be thinking. Well, partly, but there are actually places where postdocs get both competitive pay and decent benefits. If you have children or loans or are sick of being on the lower end of the pay scale, think about it and look for places that pay better.

11. The Language: Seriously, even in the USA as a native English speaker, cconsider what is the native language of the lab. Why make yourself an outsider?

12. Children or not? If you're considering having them, sound out your future boss and talk to current lab members about their child-bearing related experiences.

13. The Weather? If this is a big criterion, re-consider you career choice carefully.

14. The Prospects for alternative careers: Not all postdocs become faculty, anyone can try to do the math. Many of us who embark on a postdoc do so in the full expectation (hope?) of succeeding and becoming PIs. Doesn't always happen. So be prepared. I'm not saying one should anticipate failure, but on case you decide to change career tracks, you should be in an environment that lets you. Teaching opportunities, writing editing and publishing, the biotech industry, these are all things you should try to get exposure to.

This has turned into an incredibly long post, so I'm going to stop here. There are a lot of things that go into making a career decision, and these are some of the things that I think are important to think about while deciding where to postdoc. Ph.D to postdoc is the easiest career transition one can make, everyone wants postdocs, they are cheap, smart and young. Its important to spend some energy on this choice because it impacts where you end up next, not to mention your general mental health.

In the end though, a job is a job is a job (next post), and wherever you end up, if you don't work at the job for whatever reason, it won't go very well. So good luck, congratulations on graduating and welcome to mad wonderful world of postdocs.

Responsibility

Sometimes responsibility is the only thing that keeps me going.
I was a good kid, a reasonable teenager, and a successful college student. I wasn't particularly virtuous or hard-working, I was just really responsible. I always felt responsibility weigh heavily.

Now I am a postdoc, and not too thrilled with the state of my professional life. I feel like I am pushed to work on something that just doesn't interest me, I do not enjoy the nitty gritty daily grind of the lab work I do, I fell that my abilities are not adequately appreciated let alone compensated, and I feel that I am not being given enough other opportunities, such as reviews and writing. Yet I keep going. Sometimes it is the small part of my project I enjoy, sometimes it is the thrill of research, of finding out something new, sometimes it is just ambition, visa status or inertia, but mostly what keeps me trudging onwards (and upwards? outwards?) is an over-developed sense of responsibility.

I feel a responsibility to my employer, despite what I think I do not get in return. I feel a responsibility to my Ph.D. boss and lab because my success reflects on them (and terrible guilt on behalf of all the mice that were sacrificed along the way). I feel responsible to my future husband because I rooted him out of a place he loved to move here. I don't want to let my family or my country (really) down. Most of all though, I feel this immense responsibility to myself. I have spent so much time working towards this, so much effort. I have heard to many times that I have potential, and dammit, I want to fulfill it. I owe myself that. I am responsible to myself for the person I am and the person I will become, and giving up is not a part of that person.

So I go responsibly on, and if it wasn't for that aggravating rational-state-that-shall-not-be named, I would have quit a while ago. At least I think so, who knows, maybe ambition and inertia are sufficient. In any case, my responsibilities are here to stay, and I am made that way. And maybe that's enough. After all research requires persistence and luck above all, and who cares what motivates the persistence. Does it matter that it is responsibility? In my case it appears to be enough, so why not. Its as good a way as any to keep going.

I think.

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